Mood swings. Or are they?

WHY DO I FEEL LIKE THIS. Maybe it's wrong to hate myself. It may be altogether wrong, just to hate. Why won't things ever work out. Why won't this thing ever work out?

Yes, yes, YES I AM HAPPY. OF COURSE I AM HAPPY. Stupid thing at the back of my mind... why are you there? I don't need you to tell me that i am not always 100% happy? Actually, who is..... haha. I laugh so randomly when i type. But i'm not even smiling.

Is this a mood swing? It's a very persistent one, then. And very annoying as well, since it jumbles my feelings up even more. Die mood swing die !! The way i am typing is beginning to remind me of particular people who write like this... maybe. No, i have decided. IT IS NOT A MOOD SWING.

It is something i have to let go of.

How do you let go of something?

Happy days, happy days ... pray for more happy days. Pray for more rain so that when i step outside, my umbrella will be my only colourful friend. Step outside in the rain and run. Run, run, run and stand there, head held high, melting in the rain. Why don't dreams ever come true? Do i not believe enough in them? What do i believe in, anyway...

I believe that dreams can come true.

If i let go of this silly thing, what will replace that empty space? Rain and more rain? Or sunshine and smiles. I want to fill it up with everything. No, i can't. When i finally let it go, i am going to let that empty space fly.

Modern life has killed romance. What is love? What is a modern life? What is "modern love"? I have a page of points now, but i am still afraid that we will lose. Divorce rates rising steadily and horoscopes leading nowhere. It is an absurd topic. What may be love to you, may not be to me. My lifestyle may be totally different to yours. How can you kill romance? Actually, if you literally killed romance... WHY ARE MORE BABIES POPPING UP EVERYWHERE. Overpopulation!! More food, more gas, more water !! The world is going to die. Hah.

So. Modern or not, WHY AM I ON THE AFFIRMATIVE SIDE? Actually, i am not too sure about the negative side either...

Happy thoughts can not blind everything. They are only mere memories, in this case. I think that peas have souls. I think that nearly everything have souls. If i took a pea and crushed it, why can't i hear it yell and cry? Why do i feel sorry for this pea, which i am killing? Why am i even eating this pea? I have a mushed green pile now. I feel like crying. I feel like a Nazi, killing a Jew. Where is your soul? What if someone crushed me? The pea has crushed me. I am dying. Is this revenge? Or what we take for granted. Where is my soul now? I believe that after i eat a pea, part of it will still live on. Just like when i go to the toilet and bits of it are in my err stuff that i flush out. It's not just peas. It's everything. So who said that once we die, we're gone for good? To kill something doesn't mean everything is fixed. Because a new friend Guilt comes along. =]

I can't be bothered explaining further.

So, to let go of something. Of someone, or anything in fact.

How?

ngor sherng lei..........